More insights from reading “Dessert is Stressed Spelled Backwards”:
- There are 4 types of dysfunctional family systems: Each results in a false self, meaning you don’t learn how to solve problems, relate to others, and there is a lack of nurture and acceptance.
- Overachieving – human “doings”, pressure to succeed, perfectionism, be a “good” girl, “what others think is the most important”, self-critical, high expectations, discount yourself.
- Judgmental – focus on what is wrong with you, make you feel small and helpless, never enough, have to settle for less, abuse, build walls with others, fear of trust so become independent, “don’t feel your feelings, don’t ask questions”, lots on control, can’t be who you are, crying is weakness, discount your feelings, bury your feelings is the only way.
- Enmeshed – clinging family, all about the family, love from food or money, no lives of their own, no privacy, no boundaries, no secrets, cant have your own life, you are responsible for others happiness, make mom and dad feel good, tied to family through guilt and shame.
- Distant- lack of emotional involvement, not much loving expression, no praise, avoid emotion, fear of rejection develops and they hide, no intimacy, not prepared for life.