More insights from reading “Dessert is Stressed Spelled Backwards”:
- There are 4 types of dysfunctional family systems: Each results in a false self, meaning you don’t learn how to solve problems, relate to others, and there is a lack of nurture and acceptance.
- Overachieving – human “doings”, pressure to succeed, perfectionism, be a “good” girl, “what others think is the most important”, self-critical, high expectations, discount yourself.
- Judgmental – focus on what is wrong with you, make you feel small and helpless, never enough, have to settle for less, abuse, build walls with others, fear of trust so become independent, “don’t feel your feelings, don’t ask questions”, lots on control, can’t be who you are, crying is weakness, discount your feelings, bury your feelings is the only way.
- Enmeshed – clinging family, all about the family, love from food or money, no lives of their own, no privacy, no boundaries, no secrets, cant have your own life, you are responsible for others happiness, make mom and dad feel good, tied to family through guilt and shame.
- Distant- lack of emotional involvement, not much loving expression, no praise, avoid emotion, fear of rejection develops and they hide, no intimacy, not prepared for life.
- Binging: Hooked on feast or famine; Issues of self- esteem, perfectionism, rejection, loneliness, control over one’s life; Coping with fear, guilt, anxiety, stress, pain; Food serves as a tranquilizer, from tension, depression, anxiety, intimacy; Denies positive and negative feelings; Deny sexuality; A result of living on the head and being disconnected from the body; Punishment for not being perfect.
- Binging often has to do with resentment, rage, and frustration. It is a temper tantrum from either food anger or emotional anger.
- The struggle with food always has to do with control and power issues. Many don’t know who they are because they never tried using their own wings or had permission to be different.
- Anger: binging can be an expression of anger towards the strict “diet rules”, anger towards life, others, and self. Food is used to swallow anger, to keep it in and hidden. Growing up, we are taught it is not ok to feel or express anger. Food because the method of stuffing it.
- Inquiry within: what is going on in my life right now? What is going on right now that is upsetting me? What needs do I have that are not being met? What feeling am I avoiding? What situations or relationships are generating anxiety?
- 3 important questions connected to your relationship to food and your body: Who am I? Am I loveable? Am I in charge of my life? These are great journaling questions!!
The “Weighting Game” part 3 coming right up.